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Thursday, October 13th, 2005

Subject:whilst...
Time:2:32 pm.
well, we've got a show this saturday at forgetta 'bout it. i wrote a verse to Dog Biscuit and i want you to read it... it goes a little something like this:

And why
Why ya gonna fuckin waste your time?
The children are the future
And I don’t really care
With or
Without you
The song remains the same
So if anyone asks
I’m in the back
Taking a crap
And shooting
Some motherfuckin’ cocaine
Midgets with their backpacks
Children that smoke crack
Tomorrow’s just
Another day
Another moment
For us all - to get high

Fuck you, you fuck

I take what I don’t need
But nobody says a thing

Fuck you, you fuck
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, October 5th, 2005

Time:1:18 am.
GO TO FITZGERALDS ON NOVEMBER 5TH TO SEE MY BAND PLAY UPSTAIRS OR SUFFER.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, October 2nd, 2005

Time:12:45 am.
i hardly update this site anymore. i am more active on my MYSPACE account (link above somewhere) or for those idiots, http://www.myspace.com/porcelaincadaver it takes longer for me to do this, plus, if i post a bulletin on my myspace i can bother everyone instead of 5 of you. i will still post on here, but not as often for i am busy with other things like myspace and internet porn.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, September 29th, 2005

Subject:i'll kill you, i swear
Time:12:32 pm.
don't touch the red button.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, September 27th, 2005

Subject:cry about it, justin.
Time:2:49 am.
looks like rita spared your house. do remember, there is still 'hurricane wilma', a woman's name ending in an 'a'. flintstones will rip your shit down. also remember that if your house is up this year, there is still next year and the 20 years after that. i'd plan on moving. we are never in the clear, we might just be lucky. louisiana is that friend you never had. always taking punches for you. i love louisiana. rita was a clown sent to harass us. next time a hurricane comes, no one will leave and they will all die. the end is near. get your shotgun out.

ass.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, September 21st, 2005

Time:12:21 am.
fuck this hurricane shit. seriously. fuck you hurricane margarita.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, September 16th, 2005

Subject:FOR YOUR REQUESTS:
Time:1:58 am.
i will post the lyrics i sang at the store meeting, and then the old lyrics i had. the song i sang was catchier and i figured people would understand it more as a whole than the other one, which never really ended. i stole jokes from the original version for the new version... here they are:

H.I.J.K.L.M.N.S.
(version at meeting)
I wrote a song
About my job
And it’s really lame
But the song is cool
Here’s how it goes
Are you ready?

RSGs, PWPs,
We spend half a million dollars on batteries
So plug it in
If you can
When I get to work
I wanna take a ten
Clean the store when you’re bored
Clean the glass and shelves, clean the windex bottle
Then take a ten
Take as many tens as you can

The sharper image is the place to be
You get paid to work with me
AKA the TSI
Every customer every time

Never let David near shrek again
Keep him away from Spiderman
Cynthia’s on the phone when it’s time to clean
Can I take another ten?
Meghan is cool, she’s cool like me
Even though she is elderly
I like Scott but I want to punch his face
Eyeglass cleaner in the wrong place
(soft)
If Justin punches me in the arm again
I’ll pretend I’m David and he is Spiderman

The sharper image
Wants you to have a high percentage
AKA the TSI
If I get fired you’re all gonna die
The sharper image
Work here a year and you’ll have brain damage
My RSGs were high before the hurricane
High before the hurricane
High before the hurricane
Take a million tens
Cleaning the store
Again and again
And forever
If the ocho doesn’t sell this week
He’ll be gone
Forever
You’re all gonna die
Floor samples are finals sales
Product study

OLD VERSION CALLED:
We Are Out of Fucking Neck Coolers and they Won't Be In Until Winter


When a customer enters the store
You’ve got 60 seconds to say,
“hey, welcome to the sharper image
Please don’t touch anything thing cause you’ll probably break it.”
leave out that last part and tell them about
Our CD shower radios,
and some steam cleaning hedgehog shaped thing
the ocho never knew we sold.

They’re both half off*
*with any other full price purchase in the store
Fifty percent off of the regular price
You are required to tell them

We offer RSGs on almost everything
A guarantee to replace
Your neck cooler that never worked in the first place
High percentages of RSGs
Makes Richard think we are actually working
My percentage is low
I was at 8%
Before the hurricane
Swept all my numbers away

And I hope shrek forgives david for his demise
never let david near shrek again
and I hope david has learned a lesson from this
I hope he doesn’t black out
And decapitate spiderman

Cynthia and Meghan
I don’t think you should be
Standing behind this counter
Doing nothing, like always
You might as well take a 10 minute break
Cause you know you’ll be gone for 20

Cynthia’s on the phone
Grandma’s asleep
While the ocho follows the ways of Kwon
The ocho is cleaning
Underneath, in between,
Dusting sign holders and cleaning the products
Cleaning the glass and the walls
The ocho even cleans the windex bottle

I don’t know how to end the song
So I’ll mention something I want to get across
If Justin keeps punching me
He’ll have the perfect club
Hitting his knees
And he’s lucky
His wife goes to school
For plastic surgery
RSG
PWP
And add ons
and add ons
and batteries
And scott
And scott
Oh scott
Scotttttt
Scotttt
Scotttttttt
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, September 10th, 2005

Time:9:33 pm.
long time, no see... or read, or whatever. i'm lazy.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, August 31st, 2005

Time:4:06 am.
i'll punch you in the face.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, August 25th, 2005

Time:10:57 pm.
you can tell i'm busy when my posts are one sentence. this one is two.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005

Subject:bitch.
Time:11:42 pm.
i am going to ozzfest in a 2006 excursion limo there and back. AWESOME!!!! SWEEEEEEEEEET.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, August 22nd, 2005

Subject:structural suicide
Time:11:06 pm.
it's okay to kill your neighbor.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, August 18th, 2005

Subject:long time, no post
Time:6:40 pm.
drunk as hell this week.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, August 12th, 2005

Time:1:30 am.
penis.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, August 8th, 2005

Time:5:07 am.
i cannot feel a goddamn thing
my body's weak
i scratch my face with broken nails
and now i bleed
i call a goddamn angel
and she said to me
you cannot look for love too hard
it comes to me
i take a candle and i burn
her fucking wings
isolate
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, August 5th, 2005

Subject:liars
Time:4:14 pm.
thanks for all of those people who didn't go to my show but said they would. i love you. ha. i should have some pics up soon. i'm naked rightnow.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005

Subject:break a leg.
Time:6:08 pm.
yeah, i probably will break a leg tonight. stagediving...
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, August 1st, 2005

Subject:my hilarious question column.
Time:2:54 am.
1. You're Stats:

Name: chris… pronounced GILES
Age: 23
Astrological Sign: ford Taurus… pronounced “sex”
Where Were You Born?: Tulsa, Oklahoma, home of the something
Ethnicity(ies): white american asshole
Any Languages Besides English?: some Spanish, lots of cursing
Shirt Size: 4
Pant Size: throbbing crotch region

2.You're Favorite...:

Color(s): verde, or, as us cursers call it, “fucking green bitch. Suck my pene.”
Article Of Clothing: invisible crotchless thong… long story.
Ice Cream: cold
Song/Track: as album is to Olympics?
Perfume/Cologne: as girls are to guys. That was easy.
Magazines: revolver is the shit. And anything anal.
Store(s): what kind of IQ test is this?

3.Have You Ever...:

Lived in Europe: if texas is Europe, then yes.
Been Taken to the ER: er, what?
Ridden a Horse: yeah, a plastic one with a quarter slot.
Cheated on Someone: yeah, but my battleship can move anytime I want it to. Fuck B4.
Kissed Someone of the Same Sex: gay jokes aren’t funny online.
Betrayed A Close Friend: Fuck B4
Stolen: that was my battleship game.
Practiced Religion: yeah, but those 2-a-days fucked with me.
Seen A Ghost: yeah, but bill cosby scared me more
Done Something So Embarrassing You Couldn't Show Your Face: I’ve gotten over the ‘not showing your face’ part by now.

4.Do You...:

Have A Crush On Someone: yeah, but I come to find cats don’t speak English…
Desparately Love Someone: gato no habla ingles fuckface
Have a Secret: thousands
Want Cosmetic Surgery: yeah, I hate my small tits.
Wish Your Significant Other (if you have one) Did Something Else For A Living: yeah, why can’t you be a dog. How’d I know she’d stay a cat. Damn that fucker. Be a perro shithole.
Feel Bitter About Anything: filling out these things.
Want To Get Married: god, will bestiality ever prevail?
Want Children: CATMANS
Want A Pet: a midget

5.Write The First Thing That Comes To Mind After Reading The Following:

Parrots: green
Chocolate: godiva
Cockroaches: in the restroom dead at my work
Grapefruit: purple fags
Japan: stupid
Porshe: I have an inverted penis
Green Eyes: me
Sashimi: god bless you
Pornography: tryps VCR
Religion: Jesus H. Christ, Attny
I Am (referring to yourself): now referring to myself because parenthesis say to do so
Big Breasts: in my mouth
Video Games: pot
SUV: big disaster if it hits me
Pasta: Italian poon
Myspace: hatred
Friends: dumbest show ever.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:and i remember falling victim again
Time:1:05 am.
Mood:chilled you fockhule..
it is august. that is scary. damn, to think i will be back in school by the end of this month makes me hate your life. loser.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, July 29th, 2005

Subject:DARE OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Time:10:31 pm.
drink my ball sweat.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for noplaceinmymind.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (myspace, not yours.).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.